Our air conditioner decided to fail today so I am having to sleep on the couch tonight so I don’t die from heat. Anyways, I was laying there looking out the window and I see this light blinking and moving around outside and then these big flashes of light in the sky. My first reaction? “OH HOLY FUCK. ALIENS ARE INVADING.”
Yes, I am that crazy.
…It was a lightning bug and heat lightning, by the way.
“Today, I allowed my five-year old daughter to paint my fingernails during a living-room “picnic” we were having. A while later I got called back in to work for an emergency meeting. When I arrived at the meeting I noticed my fingernails were still neon-green. I am a 40-year old man. FML”—